My Little Secret
by IwishIwasBella
Summary: Sesshoumaru and Kagome had an afire three years ago, and they fell in love with each other. Kagome thought that Sesshoumaru just wanted sex and was afraid to say anything, however Sesshoumaru, finally coming to terms with his feeling for her, pla
1. Seeing eachother again

This story is taking place during the last chapter of the manga when Kagome calls Sesshoumaru 'brother'.

Summary: Sesshoumaru and Kagome had an affair three years ago, and they fell in love with each other. Kagome thought that Sesshoumaru just wanted sex and was afraid to say anything, however Sesshoumaru, finally coming to terms with his feeling for her, planed to ask her to become his mate after the final battle with Naraku. That was until she disappeared.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

'_Regular thoughts'_ of any character

**'_Sesshoumaru's beast_**

* * *

Kagome's point of view:

It has been three years since I was last here, a lot has changed. Miroku and Sango finally got married and have three children, the twin girls and the newborn boy. I was surprised to find Rin living here with Kaede, seeing her again brings back so many memories.

'_I wonder why she chose to live here. And dose it mean that Sesshoumaru will be coming around?'_ Kagome thought as her and Inuyasha walked to a clearing to talk and be alone.

I have been back for about a week now and yesterday Inuyasha told me that he wanted me to become his mate I was not sure at first, because of what happened between me and Sesshoumaru three years ago. He had made it very clear when we started our affair that it was strictly sex, but after awhile he seemed care for me and like a fool I fell in love with him, but I always kept in mind what he told me, so I accepted Inuyasha's proposal.

"So are you ready? We have a lot to do before the ceremony." Inuyasha said sitting down next to me.

"Yeah, I know. I hope we get everything done in time, is two weeks really enough time to get everything ready?" I asked looking up at the sky.

"Yeah it should be. Are you nervous?" He asked looking at me.

"No, not really, but I'm sure the night before I'll be so nervous I won't be able to sleep!" I said with a laugh. I still loved Inuyasha, just not the same way I used to. And I knew he loved me just not as much as he loved Kikyo, and I was the closest he was going to get to her, just like he was the closest I was going to get to Sesshoumaru. The only difference was he didn't know about Sesshoumaru and me, and it was going to stay that way.

Inuyasha laughed.

"I hope not, I need you awake that first night if you know what I mean!" He said with a smirk. I couldn't help but blush.

"Oh hey Inuyasha, I meant to ask you to ask you, why is Rin staying here?" I asked turning toward him.

"I don't really know, a few months after you left Sesshoumaru showed up and said that Rin wanted to try living in a human village. At first she would stay for a month or so then leave with him for a couple weeks, and eventually the time she stayed grow longer and longer, so now he mostly comes to visit her." He told me.

'_So that means I will be seeing him, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.' _I thought, sadly. _'I don't think I'm ready for that yet'_

"I thought she'd go with Sesshoumaru"

"Kaede said it. It seems like practice for returning her to a human village. For what ever she chooses." I gave a slight nod and looked down just in time to see a shadow passing over us. Then I felt it his aura.

'_Oh no!'_ I thought looking up. And there he was soaring thought the sky as he leapt through the clearing, looking just like a god with his long silver hair and fur pelt bellowing in the wind. Jaken holding onto the pelt dear life.

"AH! Sesshoumaru-sama it's Kagome…!" Jaken yelled seeing me. Sesshoumaru looked down at as he passed overhead. I wanted to run to him, be with, and tell him how much I had missed him! But I couldn't do that; I swore I wouldn't, so I did the only thing I could. I was already excited to see him so a fake smile wasn't be to hard to do, I took a breath and shouted…

"Brother!"

That look… I had seem that look so many times directed at Inuyasha, Naraku, and countless others, but never at me. I was heartbroken and I face slipped as I watched him leave.

"Aw, he made a mean faced at me." I said sadly, and then feeling eyes on me I looked at Inuyasha starring at me with frowned brow. "And Inuyasha so are you."

"That had a really nasty ring to it." He said starring me dead in the eye. I stood up taking Inuyasha with me not wanting to think about it.

"Come on lets go for a run!" I said smiling warmly.

"Um, sure." He said already in a better mood. Helping me on his back he sped off into the trees, he liked doing this. And so did I, it helped me forget.

* * *

.

Sesshoumaru's point of view:

Rushing though the forest everything seemed like a green blur, yet with my eyes I could still pick out the drops of dew that littered the leaves. I am heading to the village were Rin is living in. I hated going there; it brought back so many memories of her. Rin, for some reason beyond me, decided to stay here. I really don't understand why she wanted to live in the village, but I wouldn't stop her. I have to admit it was hard to let her go, to be away from her, she is like a daughter to me. But after Kagome disappeared it was hard to look at her, she reminded me so much of Kagome.

Kagome and I had been having an affair in the months presiding the final battle, and her disappearance. It started out simple enough, just sex, that's all it was, all it was supposed to be. But somewhere along the way things changed. She had intrigued me for some time before that night looking lost and a bit broken, and when she offered herself to me, I couldn't help but take her.

I saw it as many thing in the beginning a way to take my pleasure, to relieve some stress, and a way to hurt my idiot brother, by taking something he was too foolish not to claim. As the weeks went by and our meetings grow more frequent I began to care for her company more and more to the point that when I had the time I would go just to make sure she was alright, she never knew I was there though. Before and after sex we would relax, talk and just enjoy each other's company. It was dangerous I knew to care for someone, to care for the way I did. She was human, a miko no less, but by the time I realized that I should keep my distance it was to late this tiny miko had somehow managed to wriggle her way past my barriers and into my heart! Yes I Sesshoumaru lord of the West, son of the Great Dog Demon, had fallen in love with a human miko… my Kagome.

I knew she cared for me as well even though she never said anything, she was afraid of heartache and I couldn't blame her, my idiot brother had already done a number on her. But I still couldn't tell her how I felt no matter how much it pained me, or her for that matter. It was still to dangerous with Naraku and the loose and anyone else how attacked their group, if anyone found out how I felt about her I had plenty of other enemies that would gladly have a go at her just to get to me and I was not always there to protect her. By the time the final battle came about I had come to a decision to ask Kagome to be my mate.

'_There is a clearing ahead the village is close.' _I leapt out of the trees I would clear it in one stride. It didn't take much to notice the whelp was there his scent is all over the place.

"AH! Sesshoumaru-sama it's Kagome…!" Jaken yelled, from where he was on my pelt. My breath caught in my throat as I turned my head. My eyes looked on those beautiful cinnamon pools. She was just as remembered her, only a little more mature. Then the word I never expected to leave her lushes lips did. She turned that beautiful smile of hers toward me and yelled…

"Brother!" The blood frozen in my veins.

'_**What?!' **_My beast roared.

'_How dare she!' _I thought giving her the coldest stare I could muster before disappearing onto the trees once again.

* * *

(A/N) Alright this is my first fanfic. Let me know what you think I'm going to try and post one chapter every week or two, but I may not cause its my senior year and I have colorguard after school. I have a lot on my plate this year, but I promise to try.

Ok I want at least five reviews before I post the chapter, so you know what to do people!!


	2. Auther's note, Read!

Hey guys the new chapter is going to take a bit longer then expected, and I'm having a bit of writer's block. My friend is going to help me out though, and if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know I would really appreciate it. Thanks love you lots!!

p.s. thanks for the reviews and to the people and me to the alerts and favorites list!! 


	3. What started it all

Hey guys! Sorry it took so long, I've been dealing exams, compactions, and no internet for the past two months! :'(

But I just got back, and I've been working all day to finish up the chapter for guys.

So here is the second chapter ENJOY!!

Sesshoumaru's point of view:

_**'How dare she! How could she betray us?!'**_ My beast roared in my head I was trying to keep control as my beast thrashed and pulled against its chains.

I was equally as upset, after everything that has happened, after everything that we had, after everything that he had done to her, she would go and accept him! I was furious, she was back for how long I was not sure the last time I came here was almost a month ago, why hadn't she come to find me, or sent word to my palace? Had I kwon she was here I would have come straight away.

I stopped running, brought out my poison claws and slashed down a few trees, Jakens frightened whale could be heard from somewhere behind me but I paid him no mind as I continued my assault on the forest. By now my eyes must have been tinting red.

_'How could she do this?! How could she go to him?' _My beast was fighting harder now to be free of his restraints.

_**'Release me!'**_ It roared. _**'Allow me to kill him, to take back what is ours! Let us show our bitch who she really belongs to!'**_ I was eager to agree with my beast, to feel Inuyasha's blood run through my fingers before I claimed what was mine! But there was one thought that kept me grounded… Rin. I had come to see her and I couldn't face her like this. I stood there staring at the cracked and broken tree trunks and splinters that littered the forest floor.

"Jaken!" I said coolly but forcefully. "Go and inform Rin if my presence, I will be there shortly."

"Y-y-yes m-mi l-l-lord." He stammered before rushing off in the direction of the village.

It was hard to swallow, that she had actually done this. He was the one that had hurt her so many times, he was the one betrayed her, for a dead woman none the less! I was the one who picked up the pieces; I was the one who she turned to! Looking back on it now it was hard to pin point the time that this little slip of a human woman became the link that held me to this world, and now I was on the brink of utter madness and blood lust.

I remembered that night so clearly, that cursed night that started this whole afire, the night I should have turned my back on her not even sparing her a glance like I had so many other times when I came across her with my brother.

Flashback:

Sesshoumaru had been walking along the border of the Western lands, as Rin and Jaken camped in a safe place deep in the forest. He was doing his regular patrol making sure his lands stayed safe and protected.

Off in the distance Kagome was sitting near a waterfall looking at the starry night sky. _'It's such a peaceful night; I could almost imagine there was nothing wrong.'_ She thought sadly as a tear slid down her cheek. It was late the moon was almost midway into the sky. That day someone had almost killed Kikyo and Inuyasha was had been there with her while her soul collectors brought her fresh souls to heal. (A/N**: **dose anyone remember when this was they were sitting under a tree I believe, I think it had something to do with the band of seven, but I really don't remember exactly when it was, so yeah.... let me know if you remember cause I sure as hell don't!)

Sesshoumaru paused to allow his senses to take in the area to usher there were no threats in the immediate area. As the wind picked up he scented the air, and picked up on one that was particularly familiar.

'Hn, what is my brothers wench doing in this part of the forest?' He thought to himself but quickly brushed it off; he had more important matters to attend to. He continued on his patrol and realized that her scent was getting stronger.

_'Damn she is in my path, and I can not avoid her, she is right on the border!'_ It was not that he was avoiding her particularly he just did not care for a confrontation with his brother when he was attending to his duties. Well there was nothing he could do about it so he continued on; as he got closer he smelt tears in the air. _'Why is she crying?' _Before long he was at the clearing that held the miko but decided to stay hidden in the trees for now.

Kagome was heart broken to say the least, what's new right? She didn't know how much more she could take, a person could only take so mush before they just simply gave up, and she was pretty she sure she was almost at her limit if not already. A few more tears fell from her eyes as she stared blankly at the sky.

"I have to stop this… he is not the one and I have to accept that, I can't hang on any longer, its already killing me!" She sniffled, unbenounced to her a certain demon lord was watching her and heard every word she had said, and decided to make his presence known.

"Tell me miko, what are you doing out here at such an indecent hour, and so far from my halfwit brother?" Sesshoumaru said in his monotone voice stepping out of the tree line. Kagome gasped in surprise, whipping her head around to see the killing perfection himself.

"Sess-Sesshoumaru!" She said quickly wiping her tears away hoping in vain that he wouldn't see them.

"W-what are y-you doing he-here?" She sniffled, _'Well so much for him not seeing me cry...'_

"I believe I asked you first miko." He said a little annoyed but kept his voice even. He had little patience, but he couldn't deny his curiosity. He new this girl was strong willed and determined, it was one of the qualities he admired about her, and he respected her in his own way for she had proven herself many times before. Although he couldn't fathom why he was determined to know what had caused the girl such distress, although he could probably guess whom, and he would not leave till he got his answers.

"Umm do you need assistance with Rin?" She stalled nervously stalling, not wanting him to see her even more pathetic the he already did.

"You are stalling miko and my patience is wearing thin. You are on the border of my lands and as far as I can you are far from your friends now I will not ask you again! What are you doing here at this hour?" He said forcefully a death glare seeping into his eyes. She was avoiding his questions and he was getting annoyed!

When Kagome saw the seriousness in his eyes and she sighed. "I am tired Sesshoumaru, I am tired being of hurt, I am tired of being betrayed, I am tired of being pushed aside as if I were not even there, I am just simply tired." She confided, "Inuyasha has never seen me for who I am and I'm tired of it. I just need to get away if only for a little while, I just needed to get away…" her voice trailed off as more tears spilled from her eyes, and she buried her head in her hands. She felt as if she were dyeing slowly from the heart ach.

The site in front of him was pitiful and … heart breaking. And he felt something within him stir, he didn't know why but all he wanted to do was comfort her. His beast began to rouse.

'_**How truly pathetic! What strange creature these humans are, so consumed by their feelings.'**_ His beast said, '_Yes__ they are but there is something about this girl, she is different somehow.'_ Sesshoumaru replied to his beast. _**'I care not how she is different we more important matters to attend to, and this girl is causing a distraction!' **_Sesshoumaru ignored his beast and said to Kagome.

"Why do you put up with him then? It is obvious that you are torturing yourself by doing so." Sesshoumaru ask in an even tone.

"Because I have a mission to complete," Kagome said pulling her head out of her hand, tears smearing her lovely face, "It was my fault the jewel was broken, and I am its protector, so therefore it is my job to put it back together, no matter the cost." She replied, looking him straight in the eye.

'_**My, my so many amiable qualities we are finding in this girl!' **_the beast said sounding a bit surprised. _'Indeed, it seems there is much more to this girl I had previously thought." _He said to his beast staring at the girl intently. _**'We must go the hour grows late, and there is still much land that needs to be covered.' **_Sesshoumaru agreed with his beast, there was still much work that still needed to be done.

"Miko, if you'll excuse me I must be on my way." He said turning and preparing to leave.

"Sesshoumaru wait please!" Kagome called after him, stretching out her hand in his direction. She didn't want him to leave not yet! She needed someone, anyone to see her, to understand her, to make the pain go away. "Please!" She said more softly.

Sesshoumaru paused and turned his head back to look at her, what he saw caused a sharp pain in his heart. She looked so broken, her tear streaked face, the way she reached out for him from her spot on the forest floor. "Please stay with me awhile longer." Kagome said so low if he weren't a demon he probably would not have heard her.

He could not deny her such a simple request, not even his beat had the strength to do so. He walked over to her and sat down next to her, keeping eye contact with her the whole time.

Kagome leaned her head on his shoulder and tried to relax, she just felt so safe with him. _'I don't know why but his presence soothes me.'_ She began to relax when more she herd him emit a low rumble from his chest, the vibrations calmed her even more. _'Mmm, this is kind of nice!'_ She thought almost happily.

"I just want to forget the pain so badly… Will you help me forget Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked looking deep into his eyes. "Please!" She said softly.

Sesshoumaru's mind was reeling and for a long moment didn't know what to say. _**'Perhaps we should.'**_ His beast said plainly.

'_What!?' _Sesshoumaru demanded.

'_**Obviously neither you nor I have the power to deny this girl, and it will benefit us as well. We can take our pleasure without having to bed a whore, and this girl is untouched, we shall be her first." **_The beast said lust dripping from his voice. _'Very well, we shall indulge her.'_

"Very well miko…" Sesshoumaru began only be cut off by Kagome.

"It's Kagome. My name is Kagome." She said the tears on her face had dried.

"Very well Kagome…" he trailed off as he leaned his head down and captured her lips with his own. Kagome's yes widened a bit but closed them as she melted into the kiss. Sesshoumaru took the opportunity to deepen the kiss by dragging his tongue across her bottom lip; she opened her mouth allowing him to explore it. Their tongues danced together.

Sesshoumaru's hand moved to up to her waist and slip up and down the length of her well-curved torso. Kagome moaned as she moved her hands up to his broad shoulders, being mindful of his armor. He moved from her lips and began planting butterfly kisses her along jaw line and down her neck.

"Oh Sesshoumaru!" She moaned. Lacing her hands in his hair, and tilting her head back to allow him better access to her neck. Suddenly Sesshoumaru stopped and pulled back from his spot on her neck, Kagome whimpered in protest.

"We must be at an understanding before we continue. This is nothing more then sex, I don't harbor any feelings for you, and should this continue past tonight that is all it will ever be, nothing more. Am I understood?" he stared into her eyes as he waited her response.

Kagome stared back and simply nodded. _'At least I'll have this, at least I can pretend for awhile.'_ Sesshoumaru once again closed the distance between them, and laid her back on the forest floor.

Sesshoumaru's point of view:

That was the fist time he had her, the first time they made love. And now it looked like if he didn't act fast he never would again, never get ravage her beautiful body, or hold her while she sleeps contently in his arms, and never get the chance to tell her he loved her, or start the family he so longed to create her.

He gave one last look at the damage he had caused the forest before turning and heading in the direction of the village to see his adoptive daughter.

Ok so that was the second chapter, so you know the drill read & review.

I would also like to thank all of you who reviewed my first chapter, but I would like a lot more reviews this time you guys, I mean come over 1000 people read my story and only nine people reviewed. So I think its fair to ask for a little more.

Oh and to those of you who don't know I have links to the online manga on my profile.

To those of you who did I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! lol

So until the next chapter this is Shanna and I'm out!!


	4. Why?

Ok everyone I deeply apologize for the wait I got so cuaght up in school which resulted is some mager writers block, and not to colorguard (witch was totally wrerth cause WE WON STATE BICHES!!!! XD ) lol sorry we just competed Saterday so I'm still not down from my high.

Anyway major thanks to one of my best friends Envy13 she has been helping me edit my whole story, Love ya Becky!! Do you feel special cause you should! j/k

And much love goes out to of my wonderful reviewers and those who have added me to thier storie and author alert. An I promise to try and get the next chapter out faster i already have the main events for the next few chapters planed out its just a matter of getting it writen out.

Oh by the way there is some slight lemonyness but not much, I am going to make you guys wait for the real one, Muhahahaha. And I know I'm supposed "If you are under 18 blah blah blah" but persoanly I don't give a shit! I started reading this crap when I was 13 so its not like i really care so enjoy!

Alright on with chapter 3!!! (FINALY)

* * *

Kagome's point of view:

The wind whooshed by me as we raced through the forest. Inuyasha was enjoying himself; he seemed to have forgotten about the fact that we needed to be back at the village soon to make arrangements for the wedding. But I wasn't complaining I wasn't eager to go back to the village just yet knowing that Sesshoumaru was there, I couldn't face him just yet it would be to painful.

"Hang on tight Kagome!!" Inuyasha yelled over his shoulder, just before launching himself up into the trees. I squealed as tree branches bushed past us and I hugged myself closer to him to keep from getting scratched up to bad. Then suddenly the air cleared and I opened my eyes a beautiful valley bellow and a mountain range off in the distance. Inuyasha landed on the edge of the cliff that over looked the valley and set me down.

"Do you like it?" He asked eagerly, as I walked close to the edge to gaze upon Mother Nature's own personal work of art.

"Like it, I love!" I said staring in utter awe.

"I'm glad you do." Inuyasha said stepping closer to me and rested his hand on my shoulder. "I found this place not to long after the final battle; I used to come out here a lot to think."

"What did you think about?" I asked idly, turning my head to the side to see him better.

"A lot of things, the past, all my mistakes…"

"You must have a lot to think about then." I joked and he chuckled.

"And I thought about you." He stated flatly. "I thought about you a lot, everyday, actually. I didn't want to leave you that day three years ago." He said staring off into the distance with a soft thoughtful expression on his face.

"What do you mean you left me? I thought the well called you back." My voice was barely above of whisper. He looked down at me his golden eyes burning into mine, right though to my soul.

_'Those eyes…'_ So much like his eyes with that serious look, an image of Sesshoumaru flashed in my mind. _'Stop thinking about him!'_ I yelled in my head.

"I know that I'm not the only person that needs you, your family needed you too, and…" he sighed "and you have no idea how much it killed me to leave you there, and not bring you home with me!" His voice was soft but strong, and I couldn't look away. I was looking into his burning gaze. We stayed like that staring into each others eye for what seemed lie an eternity, before he finally looked away, and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

_'Why? Why after all this time? Why does he choose now to tell me how he feels?'_ My mind was reeling from what he had said and I all I could wonder was why. Why now? Why couldn't he tell me when it actually meant something to me? Now all I felt when I looked at him was guilt! Guilt for how I had betrayed him, guilt for how much it would hurt him if he ever found out. But no mater what I couldn't bring myself to regret what I had done, what we had done. The only thing I truly regretted was falling in love with Sesshoumaru. For he could never love me back.

We stayed there for several more moments in silence, for which I was thankful, just staring out over the countryside. My mind was racing for an excuse to get away, scrolling though a list of thing I needed to do that day, but everything I thought of I knew he would just say that it could wait, or somebody else would take care of it.

His hand that was previously resting on my shoulder was now running up and down the length of my arm, and his touch had never felt so… foreign. It didn't feel right and I didn't like it, I continued searching through my mind.

'_Aw ha!'_ I turned to face Inuyasha once more. "Inuyasha we need to head back to the village, I promised to help Kaede pick some herbs and get started on restocking out medicine supply." He wasn't looking at me but I could tell by the look on his face that he was annoyed, we hadn't gotten much alone time and even though this had started out nice I just couldn't stand to be alone with him right now.

"You don't mind do you? The supply is running really low and it is best if we get it out of the way now." His face softened a bit I got him there! I noticed that if I had to do something for the general welfare of the village he tried not to get in my way.

"No it's fine, besides if need to get started on our hut if we want it to be ready in time for the our wedding night." He had lowered his head so that his lips were close to my ear; his voice had dropped to a low husky whisper and the arm that had rubbing my arm slipped to my waist as he pulled me closer to him. I could feel his hot breath on my face and a shiver run down my spine. At that moment all I wanted to do was push him away, this didn't feel right and I hated it!

It didn't take us long to get back to the village, thankfully when we got there Inuyasha took off to work on the hut the hut. He wouldn't tell me where he was going to build it only that he wanted it to be a surprise. He left me in front Kaede's hut, we probably wouldn't see each other until that evening, and I watched him leave. Launching himself into the air and speeding off into the direction where most of the men when to chop lumbar. I slumped against the side of the hut and took a deep breath.

'_Thank kami he's gone,'_ I thought relived, _'I really need some time to think.'_

But first things first, I extended my senses and concentrated, feeling everything around me. I could feel most of the villagers, except those in the field, I focused harder I wasn't looking for humans. The more I focused the more the demon auras apparent and the human ones faded. Inuyasha's was fluttering somewhere on the edge of my senses, Shippo was out of the village training today, Kiara was somewhere nearby, and then there was Sesshoumaru's. His aura was so massive it bore down on you with enough weight to crush a bull elephant.

'_Hmm, where is he?'_ my eye brows came closer together as I focused harder on him. _'He is close by but not in the immediate area.'_ I sighed and relaxed my senses Rin's aura was faint which meant she was probably with him, which in turn was good news for me because that meant that I could probably avoid seeing him.

Opening my eyes to the blinding sun I took a long beep breath and turned to go into the hut. As I walked into the hut the strong smell of miso soup hit my nose.

"Hello Kaede!" I said happily, she always has a way of calming me down when I'm around her.

"Aw hello child! Did ye have a good outing with Inuyasha?" she asked turning and smiling warmly at me before turning her attention back to the soup.

"Yes I did we talked and her took me to a spot he usually goes to think. It was quit beautiful actually, it was on a cliff over looking the country side.  
" I said causally on the elevated step next to Kaede.

"That's nice, he has changed a great deal since ye have been away and he missed ye terribly even if he rarely says it allowed." She said still stirring the soup.

"Yeah I know." I hugged my knees closer to my chest and rested my chin on them and just stared out the window. I figured it was time to make sure Rin was with Sesshoumaru and see if it was possible to avoid and still attend to my duties that day.

"Hey Kaede Inuyasha and I saw Sesshoumaru when we where talking earlier and it looked like he was heading toward the village."

"Aw, yes he came to visit Rin. He has not been by in almost a month." My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh so he comes by often?" I asked. I was thankful that I was that I was able to keep the nervousness out of my voice.

"Yes the longest he has ever stayed away was two moon cycles and that was because, according to him, there was a meeting of the lords." This wasn't good I would be seeing him once a month if not more. Just knowing I would be seeing him this often was almost too much to bear, I still love him! I'm not trying to be dramatic, I loved Inuyasha but what I felt for Sesshoumaru was so much more... every word, every touch, every kiss. I couldn't put into words what I felt for him.

_'I can't be here right now I need to leave!'_ I stood and dusted myself off.

"Do you know where they went?" I voice wavered a bit.

"The river by the water fall I believe. Why do ye ask?"

"Oh no reason. I'm going to pick herbs." My voice didn't sound right.

_'Damnit!_' I cursed myself.

"Are ye sure Kagome? The stew will be done soon."

"No it's ok, I'm not hungry and besides we need to replenish our stock." I grabber one of the baskets that was by the door, but as I was about to leave Kaede got up and walked over to me.

"Are ye sure Kagome?" she asked in a worried tone and placed the back of her hand on my cheek, "Ye look pale." I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from my face.

"No it's ok I'm fine, really." We stayed in an awkward an awkward silence for a moment before I decided it was time to go. "Well I better get going if I want to finish early, bye!" I waved and hurried out of there as quickly as possible.

I made my way to the field that lay at the edge of the opposite side of the village it was plentiful in the herbs we needed, and was also conveniently far from the river. As I walked I allowed my mind to wonder, I was thinking about my time with Sesshoumaru, the nights we shared, and everything I could never have. One particular meeting seemed to be replaying like a broken record in my mind.

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Flashback

"OH SESHOUMARU!!!" Kagome screamed upon her release, tossing her head back in complete ecstasy. Sesshoumaru grunted and buried his head in the crock of her neck as she arched into him, her long legs rapped firmly around his waist and hugged him closer as they road out their climax together as their bodies began to relax and their frantic breathing slowed. Sesshoumaru was in shock that he had actually broken a sweat. He was not one to sweat under any circumstance, ever! But tonight he had and it was strange to think that something as trifling as sex had made him sweat.

He pulled back a bit to look at Kagome, she was drenched in sweat, her bangs sticking to her forehead, her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes half lidded as she gazed up at him. Her right arm was draped loosely around is neck as her other hand rested on his shoulder which was currently supporting his wait.

_'Beautiful...' _he thought as he lowered his head to capture her lips in a passionate kiss, his beast was practically purring in agreement.

Kagome was in heaven of all the times she hand been with Sesshoumaru he had never taken her like this it was incredible and his kiss was so demanding, there was just no other word for it. She was slowly coming down from her high they had been at it for two hours at least and she was exhausted! The only thing that could ruin this moment is the fact that she had to get back to the group soon, but the thing was she didn't want to; all she wanted to do was stay here with Sesshoumaru.

When Sesshoumaru pulled back from the kiss Kagome reclined her head back on his pelt, which he had placed there for her comfort. She tried to relax, her body was trembling and her breath shaky, and just a few moments ago she thought she was going to explode from pleasure! As she tried to regain control of her body Sesshoumaru contented himself with suckling on her plus point.

_'I don't want to leave I want to stay here forever with you.'_ Kagome thought bitterly as she hugged him tighter to her.

"I need to leave soon." She stated calmly and Sesshoumaru paused from his place on her neck. This was what he loathed the most, her leaving so soon. He pulled out of her and rolled over to the side and pulled her close.

_**'Bother can wait! I want to enjoy her presence more before she returns to him.**_' His beast had become quit fond of the miko and hated to let her go. Kagome rested her head on his chest and snuggled close, and Sesshoumaru rapped his pelt around her to protect her from the cool night air. This was something he enjoyed greatly, though he couldn't fathom why, he enjoyed spending time with her. Often they would lie together after sex and talk or just enjoy each other's company.

"It's such a lovely night isn't it?" She asked casually.

"Indeed it is." He replied in his stoic tone.

The sky was bright with stars and the cool night air was a welcome relief from the trying past few days they had had. They were laying by a hot spring tonight, when ever they met there was always a body of water somewhere so they could wash up before they returned to their perspective groups.

"How is Rin doing?" The day before they had defeated Sounga the sword of supreme conquest. Everyone in the two groups had been literally feet away from the mouth of hell and poor Rin nearly met death again at the hands of Takemaru of Setsuna. Kagome had put herself at great risk by leaving the protective barrier that Siya had put and trying to get the two thickheaded brothers to work together. The battle had ended with the reappearance of Lord Inu no Tashio's sprit as he left some final parting words for his sons.

"She is still a bit shell shocked but better then expected for someone her age." He said matter-of-factly. Honestly he was quit was quit proud of Rin, she acted bravely in the face of danger and her happy disposition was hardly disturbed by yesterdays events.

"That's good." Kagome had been very worried about her and wanted to make sure she was okay. "If she needs anything just let me know."

"And what could she possibly need that I could not provide myself." He teased. He knew her big heart it was one of the qualities he enjoyed most about, she always wanted to help others with no care for her own needs. But that did not mean he did not enjoy teasing her about it, infact he did it often, especially when that little spite fire in her came out, he found it quit amusing!

His voice had taken on a lighter tone so she knew he was teasing her, she didn't know why he liked it so much. "Moral support, I know you're not big on the feels." She said nonchalantly.

"Hn."

"See what I mean?"

"Oh I assure you I have feelings but this Sesshoumaru simply sees no point in showing them." He said, which of course was true there was no point in showing one's feels it is merely a weakness. At this Kagome rolled her eyes.

"Your hopeless." She said sitting up and stretching. She was about to get up but Sesshoumaru rapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back.

"Of what nonsense do you speak?" He demanded a little annoyed. Kagome turned her head to the side to look at him she wore a serious face.

"It's not a weakness to hind your feelings I mean yeah it's not good to wear them on your sleeve either, but you don't have to wear a mask all the time." She wanted to see how he felt about a lot of things but knew it was not her place to ask and even if it was he would never tell her. She gave him a soft smile before turning away to look at the stars.

_**'Our bitch is strange, but what she says does hold some truth. It may do us good to take her advice from time to time.'**_ His beast said lazily.

'Perhaps but not on this matte, look wear feelings got father.'

_**'He did not appear unhappy when he reappeared, and he has been trying to guide us as well as brother.'**_

_'Guide us to what?'_

_**'Of that I am not sure.'**_

"Sesshoumaru I have go leave it is getting late and I still need to bathe." Kagome pulled him out of his conversation with his beast. He sat up and looked down at her and she rested her head on his shoulder and looked up into his stunning golden gaze, which she loved.

"Very well let us go then and perhaps I shall take you once more before you depart." Kagome giggled and lifted her head to kiss him one more time.

"You are terrible, you know that?" She asked playfully.

"I know not of what you speak." He teased, before he flashed one his rare smiles that always left her breathless before he leaned down to capture her lips once more.

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Kagome's Point of View

That was the night I first realized I had feelings for Sesshoumaru in a way I wish it had never happened just so I could spare myself this hurt, but if I had the chance to do it over again I wouldn't change a thing just so I could be with him again. Yes I fell and I fell hard and it only took a few weeks before I realized that I was head over heels in love with him. The saddest part was I would never find anyone because no one was him, so I was choosing the closest person to him.

I was sitting in the t field now, it was wide and open, it was bordered on one side by the tree line of the forest and on the other side was the village. My basket was barely half full but I didn't really care I was enjoying the silence, the children were off doing chores and most of the adults were either out in the fields farming or trying to find something productive to do around their home or the village.

"Tell me my little miko, what? After everything he has done to you, what would prevail you to accept him?"

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This chapter was alittle difficult becuase there is so much i want you all to see about Seshoumaru and Kagome's relationship, so I finaly decided that next few chapters will fave a flashback showing little by little how thier strickly sex relationship turns into love. I may not have Inuyahsa finding out for another 2 or 3 chapters, remeber people I am working with a two week time period before Kagme and Inuyasha's wedding, so theres still plenty of room for jelousy, romancing, and a good old fashion brotherly beat down! The closest it may get to the wedding is a few days if that, but I'm still not sure.

I also made a Sesshoumaru and Kagome chatroom the link is on my profile so co check it out i should be on to night and the rest of the week i look forward to talking you all on there!! =D

Once again I am so sorry about the wait so enjoy! And i love you more if you review!! =)


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